…the deconstruction of a once sane existence

Archive for March, 2011

Release Valve

(This post was originally written 1/31/11 as well – quite a busy day for me it seems, LOL)

One of the reasons I started this blog/journal, besides making some sort of record of things, was to give me a place to put down my feelings and pain.  There was a time that in order to deal with my inner pain, I cut myself; sliced my arm, my inner thigh.  It was a way to stop the spiraling inner pain, sort of like when you slap a hysterical chick to get her under control – it was an outlet.

But I’ve been good for a good year and a half and not cut… until recently that is.  I can’t seem to get on top of things, like a surfer getting on top of a giant wave.  If I don’t ride it just so, it will come crashing down on my head with such force that it will keep me under and I will simply drown.

Don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t get this spiraling pain thing under control…


~M~~~


The Ring

(Ok, well here is post no. three that I just left in draft form on 1/31/11 – why break up a set, right? LOL)

Well here we go, they say things always come in three’s, don’t they? So, first I had an online friend pretty much give me the kiss off (I feel so used, but that’s a whole other thing – quite frankly it hurts too much to discuss yet), then I find out the hubby got into a car accident because of his ‘I’m-better-then-everyone-else-so-you-better-get-the-hell-outa-my-way’ attitude, and now this… see, my son’s class ring was delivered today, and the first thing that this wonderful father of my offspring did was take it away.  He informed my son that he doesn’t get it until he actually graduates from high school.  Who ever heard of such a thing??  Seriously, he gives the word controlling a whole new meaning.

Ah well, just another day in the torturous life of…..

~M~~~