(This post was originally written 1/31/11 as well – quite a busy day for me it seems, LOL)
One of the reasons I started this blog/journal, besides making some sort of record of things, was to give me a place to put down my feelings and pain. There was a time that in order to deal with my inner pain, I cut myself; sliced my arm, my inner thigh. It was a way to stop the spiraling inner pain, sort of like when you slap a hysterical chick to get her under control – it was an outlet.
But I’ve been good for a good year and a half and not cut… until recently that is. I can’t seem to get on top of things, like a surfer getting on top of a giant wave. If I don’t ride it just so, it will come crashing down on my head with such force that it will keep me under and I will simply drown.
Don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t get this spiraling pain thing under control…