…the deconstruction of a once sane existence

Posts tagged “dilema

Release Valve

(This post was originally written 1/31/11 as well – quite a busy day for me it seems, LOL)

One of the reasons I started this blog/journal, besides making some sort of record of things, was to give me a place to put down my feelings and pain.  There was a time that in order to deal with my inner pain, I cut myself; sliced my arm, my inner thigh.  It was a way to stop the spiraling inner pain, sort of like when you slap a hysterical chick to get her under control – it was an outlet.

But I’ve been good for a good year and a half and not cut… until recently that is.  I can’t seem to get on top of things, like a surfer getting on top of a giant wave.  If I don’t ride it just so, it will come crashing down on my head with such force that it will keep me under and I will simply drown.

Don’t know what I’m gonna do if I can’t get this spiraling pain thing under control…


~M~~~

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My Little Drama

~~~Ok, so a quick note on this post – I had drafted it back on 11/28/10, but somehow didn’t post it, so I figured I might as well go ahead and post it, for what it’s worth~~~

~*~

So, the other week (on a Sunday) we sprung a leak in the bathroom – more precisely the water line leading to the toilet.  I was silently freaking out (as usual), trying to figure out a way to fix the damn thing.  T (Tony) was being oblivious to the whole situation, being hands off (as usual).

Now the reason for my freakage was because I can never predict what his reaction will be.  More times then not he finds a way to blame me for the situation and tells me to “deal with it” – on my own of course.  So Monday morning I went on the hunt for plumber’s putty, hoping that I could fix it on my own.  Took a few stores, but I finally found some, and spent the next four hours trying to plug up this leak that was not only making a small pond in the bathroom, but was also forming a small stream in the kitchen (they share a wall and water was flowing under the wall – don’t ask).

By this time I was on the verge of tears, worried what his reaction would be, and had to concede that I was not going to be able to fix it myself.  I IM’d T, resigned to be ridiculed for my obvious inability to fix it myself, but lord and behold, he was understanding, nonjudgmental,  and simply responded that I should call the plumber.

WOW!!  Was NOT expecting that response – no name calling, no complaining about having to pay someone to come in and fix it, no sneering or being snide; just nicely saying that it probably was an easy fix, and that I will have to clean up.  Period, the end, stick a fork in it.  I was left speechless, and pleasantly surprised – the knot that was residing in the pit of my stomach suddenly dissolved and it seemed like the heavens opened and up and sunshine was bathing me in its warmth (too melodramatic? LOL).

Well, anyways, that was my little drama with the bathroom leak.  Might not seem all that much to an observer, but to me it was a bit traumatic, riddled with worse-case-scenarios, but in the end, not so bad 🙂 !

~M~~~